So here I am at 11:38 in the evening and I feel compelled to blog. And as you can see, I don't blog that often. I just finished my Bible study lesson for tomorrow morning and it has stirred so many emotions in me. Thoughts that are always there, I just never talk about them. At the end of the lesson, there is a passage from the book "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. It is about the loss of her baby girl. She says in the excerpt, "She was God's all along."
As some of you know, I lost two babies. I have also been blessed with healthy, beautiful twins. So often I think about the two I lost. Were they boys? Where they girls? What did they look like? What personality would they have had? I cry just thinking how I have treasure so many funny, happy, great times with Luke and Karsyn, yet I miss the two I never met. I can't explain it. If you have never lost a child you might find this silly. But it is something you never quit thinking about. And I think even more so as I build memories with the twins that I never will with my two angels. This has emotionally hit me hard tonight, but also has made me aware of something I always knew. They are in such a better place than I could ever dream for my kids. A place where they are not judged. A place where they feel loved by everyone, all of the time. The world is a tough place for our little ones. So I will go to bed knowing they are so happy! And for now I will be at peace with that knowing one day, I will meet them. I thank God for all of my blessings.
